Shiz. Bud Light is in some real trouble.
Don’t know about it? Catch up here.
Basically, they printed the following slogan on some of their beer bottles: “Bud Light–the perfect beer for removing the word “no” from your vocabulary for the night.” Folks are upset that this promotes rape culture.
So today, I give Bud Light some more appropriate and politically correct slogans, inspired by our experience at the House of Whatever.
(Don’t know what the House of Whatever is? Ok, your naivete is really stressing me out. Catch up here. Bud Light built an awesome house for partying during Super Bowl weekend here in Phoenix. They had all sorts of crazy stuff going on, including secret celeb appearances and concerts, free unlimited Bud Light, and free food. It was by invitation only, so naturally, my friends and I were invited for the whole weekend. Do I really have to explain why?)
HERE YA GO!
Bud Light: The perfect beer for leadership and democracy. (Because I was voted the MAYOR fair and square by a popular vote. I mean, are you surprised?)
Bud Light: The perfect beer for safety first. (Because we walked, we did not run into the House of Whatever.)
Bud Light: The perfect beer for risk-free acrobatics and stunt work. (See, there’s Ian in the background acting as our spotter.)
Bud Light: The perfect beer for sun protection. (There’s Bailey, Angie, and Marissa using a Bud Light parasol for shade from the afternoon’s rays. You know they have at least SPF 60 on as well.)
Bud Light: The perfect beer for making new friends and keeping the old. (Did we know some of those people on the boat? No. But heck, we’ll share our boat.)
Bud Light: The perfect beer for creativity and artistic expression. (Emelia, you were so good at painting that pegasus.)
Bud Light: The perfect beer for sharing your prized possessions. (Here is Brett Eldridge, wearing my money glasses. I was happy to share them with him.)
You’re welcome, Bud Light.