Headed for the highway this fourth of july weekend?
You’ve come to the right place.
(I’m about to tell you everything you need to take with you for your holiday weekend.)
Okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay. So the absolute most important items you need for your ride?
It is of the utmost importance that you have a marvelous assortment of morsels and munchies. I recommend you have the following three varieties of snack:
1) Healthy. 2) Hunky. 3) Junky.
Healthy. You guys–these are the flippin’ bomb. Literally little purple bombs of fruit that explode crunchiness and freshly picked flavor into your mouth. GREAT NEWS: no fake ingredients, gluten free, and each bag contains a cup and a half of fruit. And you don’t even need to make room for a cooler! (TBH, even if you did pack a cooler, you don’t have room for REAL fruit because it’s filled with beer….)
Hunky. Cuz ya gotta keep your man-candy and driver happy. And that means feeding them some good-old fashioned chunks o’ dried meat. (Bonus points if you have two flavors.) Seriously–men are like Pavlov’s dogs. Say the word “teriyaki” and they’ll exit at the nearest Taco Bell to spoil you with cinnamon twists (every time). You’re welcome.
Junky. (Shiz! Does that say brownie-filled pretzel NUGGETS!?–by the way, I feel like “nugget” is a highly underutilized word.)
For your information, I have included a photograph of a cross-sectional nibble of the aforementioned pretzel nugget. Yep, you CAN believe your eyes right now.
If you remember ONE thing for your trip, you MUST remember to pack snacks. Here’s why. Snacks help you pass the time, they keep you satiated (you’ll need your energy–the weekend is undoubtedly action-packed), and they can be used as bartering material should you end up at a roadside stop and you NEED one of those little hand-painted birdhouses that a colonial woman is selling from the back of her buggy. Do you have cash? No. Do you have brownie filled pretzels? YES.)
Next, you’ll need a trusty co-pilot.
Though she be but little, she is needy (she has to sit on me at all times), smelly (chihuahua breath) and hairy.
Okay okay. So you’re probably wearing an awesome outfit on the ride there because the party already started and you’ll be needed for a flip-cup team as soon as you arrive. So, if your co-pilot is of the furry variety, you’ll need to de-fuzz and deodorize your floral romper when you pull up to your friend’s lakeside cottage.
And let’s get real for a sec. It’s summer, so you’ll need to protect yourself from the harmful rays. You’ll notice I recommend the rub-on sort. If your husband takes the spray-on sunscreen and very hastily applies in a zig zag motion, he ends up with a pink “Z” on his chest! (Z is for zuper duper idiot!!) If you purchase the spray by mistake, just remember that your turn to wakeboard can wait until you’ve been very careful to apply evenly!!
Because at the conclusion of your trip, you’re gonna have to put yourself back together.
You probably wore those flip flops or wedges that pinch your toes in JUST the right spot. Additionally, you’ll be DYING for some ibuprofen and all the water. That little bottle of pain reliever should be enough to cure several hurts, headaches, and had-one-too-many’s.
Yea, you’ll definitely need some advanced healing (and by that I really mean a blood transfusion and about 2 weeks worth of a juice cleanse.) JK!
HAVE AN EXCELLENT WEEKEND! And God Bless America!!
PS: All of these items are available at CVS Pharmacy!