10 Commandments of Snapchat

Okay, so like everyone snapchatted like crazy this weekend.

snap

The young and the old alike sent snaps of their local festivities or backyard black snakes as if they were the only Americans at a Fireworks show or the only ones lighting crackers in their cul-de-sac.

(Hi, Dad! What is Snapchat, you ask? Find out here. And then read how much it is worth here. No, it’s not publicly traded. Boo-hoo!)

 Many, many rules of Snapchat were broken this Fourth of July weekend. And in some horrendous cases, multiple statutes were violated AT THE SAME TIME when you snapped the fireworks from the bar you were at then panned over to capture the other four Spice Girls ugly dancing while some live act sang in the background, (and you sang along.) Read on.

…Which led me to this. Without further ado, I give you:

The 10 Commandments of Snapchat!

Thou shall not drink and snapchat. OKAY OKAY your judgment may be a little off. So just don’t. You’ll end up snapping things that other people should not/do not want to see–and we ARE judging. Hard. See below.

Thou shall drink and snapchat. (Wait, whut!?) OKAY OKAY—your “snapchat story” is a great way to put the pieces of your night back together in the morning when you had otherwise blacked out! The time stamp is especially helpful. See above.

Similarly, thou shall not snapchat in da club. (OKAY OKAY, TBH, I fell asleep at 8pm last night and you went out partying, so I most likely am watching your snapchats first thing in the morning trying to figure out what you were up to.) “OH, I fell asleep with pizza in my mouth while you went and danced around at Maya with your bros while (insert frat-tastic DJ name here) scratched the tables?? Cool! JK–I would never fall asleep with pizza in my mouth.

Thou shall snapchat your every move while wearing overalls. Or some other really cool outfit, like a rainbow tutu (I think I can see the future…) They lead to a few really great snaps and your friends will love it. Trust.

Thou shall fully charge your phone—make sure to use your mophy, muicy, juice bar, etc., because snapchatting your every move while wearing overalls takes up a lot of battery. See above.

Thou shall not drive and snapchat. IT CAN WAIT. DUH. And when you send a driving snap and your windows are down, it sounds like the sky is falling, k? Also, I don’t care how fast (or slow) you’re going, unless you’ve been sent on a mission to get me donuts.

Thou shall learn what is worthy of your snapchap “story.” There’s a difference between what snaps should be added to your story and which should be sent to only a few insiders. If only a select few of your snapfriends are going to know what you’re talking about or think your snap is funny, only shoot it to your two friends! Do not add to your snap story. GET IT!? Read between the lines: WE DON’T CARE! And we’re bored. And it’s definitely not worth 7 seconds of my life—or worse, 10. NOPE.

Thou shall not snapchat at whatever concert you’re at. It sounds awful coming through phone speakers and all we hear is you singing along. We can’t hear the artist and we’ve never heard of them anyway. (You have a shitty voice, TBH.)

Thou shall snapchat like crazy while on that tropical vacation. Do you know what jealously looks like on 50 of your friends? The more ya know.

OMG OMG AND THOU SHALL NOT SCREENSHOT. JEEZUS!!! I mean, COME ON. DO I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU!?

HypeGirlSignature

PS: I don’t have any photos in this post. I started screenshotting snaps from all of my friends, but I feel as though I should not personally victimize my snap-pals (I could’ve been really, really brutal!) You’re welcome. Additionally, I know everyone is guilty of violating these snapchat commandments at some time or another. (Except for the overalls move–I’m the only one who can pull that one off.) HEHE!

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