This is pretty much really important, so I’m just gonna jump right in.
As homeowners, we are faced with a particular problem this time of year that can affect our pride and reputation for years to come. Yep, the choice of what Halloween candy we will give out to our neighborhood trick-or-treaters. Or…
…The Harding Halloween Candy Conundrum!
Whatever you wanna call it, this is an important decision that will have a lasting affect on how we are viewed as residents on our block.
The way I see it, there are three categories of Halloween candy:
- The kind in which I will eat the whole bag in one sitting
- The basic betch kind that like everyone gives out (no thanks.)
- The shitty kind that literally no one likes
Here they are in a color coded, visual format.
PROBLEM PROBLEM PROBLEM! I don’t WANT to eat an entire bag of Halloween candy! I need to save some for the trick or treaters! Solution: anything in this bubble cannot be purchased.
PROBLEM PROBLEM PROBLEM! Like everyone goes to Wal-Mart and buys these. These three candies make up, on average, 63% of your typical trick or treater’s haul. We aren’t basic here in my house. Solution: anything in this bubble cannot be purchased.
PROBLEM PROBLEM PROBLEM! HELLLL NOOOOOO. Solution: anything in this bubble cannot be purchased.
And below is a Venn Diagram. Don’t know what that is? Ok–go back to third grade. Anyways, Please Enjoy this visual representation of all three categories of candy and how they interact to form the entire Harding Halloween Candy Conundrum.
See that star in the middle? Like the diagram points out, this is the sweet spot.
The candy that fits into this spot will solve our candy conundrum. This candy will *NOT* be the kind that makes each little Anna and Elsa immediately turn around and run into the other direction. It will be unique enough so that children will think, “GOSH this is the best house on the block! That Mr. And Mrs. Harding–they sure are swell!” And finally, I will not sit and eat the entire bowl of this candy so there will be enough for the little minions and goblins in the first place.
Clearly, this decision is up to me. If I left Adam in charge of this, he would probably go into the store and come out with dried pineapple pieces for each little girl and boy.
So what will it be!? Stay tuned!