IF THERE’S ABSOLUTELY ONE THING YOU CAN COUNT ON IN THIS WORLD, IT IS THE FACT THAT MEN LOVE HOT SAUCE.
SEE ALSO: CONDIMENTS IN GENERAL.
Every dude I’ve known since college has a fridge full of condiments and sauces and just about nothing else.
Adam is no exception. He’s got an impressive array of sauces, including but not limited to soy sauce, rice wine vinegar, korean BBQ sauce, whiskey whatever BBQ sauce, yellow mustard, spicy jalapeno mustard, apricot jam (wtf?), and the list literally goes on and on. Right now, we even have a Costco-sized jar of Strawberry “spread.” SpppPpPRrreeEeAAdddD. Adam loves spreads.
And then of course, we’ve got several different hot sauces on hand at all times. (AS IF HE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH HOT STUFF AROUND ALREADY!! Ahem, I mean me.)
My theory is that he must need one for all different types of moods. But then he goes and does something that refutes that theory. Sometimes he uses them all at once. I don’t get it.
At this time, we only have four hot sauces. (And this was AFTER we cleaned out the fridge and purged.) See below.
It is my understanding that Adam needs this one, Frank’s Red Hot, for general hotness and spice purposes. K. I’m all, “Frank must be a real good guy–have fun with that.”
Next, we have the Smoked Chipotle Tabasco Sauce.
Why I hate this one requires an explanation. If you’ve known us long enough, you’ll remember that I think Adam says some words wrong, like with an Idahoan accent (does that even exist?) Whatever it is, it is vastly different from my Chicago way of speaking and it is wrong.
The words that he says wrong are typically words with a “C” and an “O” in them, like “college” and “components.” Well, he also says “Chipotle” wrong. Now, he’s not new. He’s not one of those crazy people who says “chiPOLLtay” or “chipotel.” He says “chipOATlay,” with just too much emphasis on the “OAT.” So this one was damned from the start.
There’s really no words for this one. He must use “SASO Hot Sauce: K180” when he’s just so koooool that he needs something to heat him up. See Below.
Sorry babe, just sayin’.